what happens when your world is not your oyster?

In the modern age of technology and with an increase in cyber space communication taking charge and leading the way as a form of communication and communicating face to face seems to be the thing of the past is it any wonder why people find it so hard to communicate with each other? It seems as though people are losing touch with their own human kind and the only way we know how to rely our feelings is though some sort of a portal.

So what is comes to dating; couples don't call anymore and when you want to set up a date they message their prospective suitors. Come on! how hard is it to give someone a phone call and say " Hi, I would love to take you out on a date..... what ever what ever" You know show some courtesy so that other person knows that you are acknowledge that you are human and have a vocal cord and emotions. 

Whatever happened to the days where Men were conversationalist and interesting and had something interesting to contribute to a conversation when they took you out and nowadays most men are like watching paint dry and you wonder why there are so many single people out there. Look it isn't really too much to ask of the other person on the first date to have something interesting to contribute. We don't want details of your job description or how you haven't washed your laundry in two weeks and you have to order tailor made shirts becuase you haven't been bothered to take all your business shirts to the dry cleaners. Gentlemen they are not very highly simulating conversations. Women aren't fussy; we just don't want to dates poles we want a partner to share an interest grounded on commonality. 

It really makes you wonder whether there is any intelligent men out there and the answer has to be YES !!! but where do they all hang out ?? They aren't amongst my circle of friends or the places that I delight myself in so where are they ??? Nestled amongst the shelves at the state library some sort of book club meetings? That's all a bit of a mystery .......

 a shame that first impressions last forever and it's very difficult to redeem yourself that but it is the way the universe works. Secondly, you go on these unsucessful dates and they don't work out and I guess your ego takes abit of a battling and you start to wonder what is wrong with yourself and your inability to meet anybody who is remotely decent? Thirdly, you have the unflattering title of being single; this when people start to feel sorry for you because you are not attached and in a relationship with someone and there are no potentials in the horizon, to top it all off it doesn't help if most of your friends are single and every single time you go out all they talk about is the ideal partner and what they want in a partner, that is enough to do your head in and there will always be a fixer within your network of friends who feel as though they need to be the stand in parent and guide you through life. I am sure many of us have those kind of people nestled among their circle of friends. As you know they can be so exhausting and they don't even know that they are doing that. Perhaps they need to assess their own lives and find themselves a damn partner before they start dishing out advice for everybody else.

Look it really isn't that bad being single. Think about all the benefits of being single and the autonomy to be able to accomplish some of your goals in life, though I am not saying that you can't do it with a partner who wants the things you want and sometimes it's just not that easy. Sometimes you have to be patient in order to find the person who is truly right for you. Settling for someone because you are coming of age and all your friends are married ?? Rememeber we need to have our own lives before we come together with someone and nobody wants a needy partner, they are exhausting and relationship killers 

The lone Ranger

What happens when you find yourself single and all your friends are settled into a relationship and you are on this journey of singledom. This is probably exactly what you don't want but you also don't want to run the risk of looking desperate or needy so you are caught in this predicament. Does it sound like someone you know?

At the beginning you think to yourself; being single isn't a bad thing until you are out with your friends and they come out with their respective partners and you are sitting at that dinner table on your own and you start to think "jeez this is such an awkward situation" and the feeling of awkwardness starts to engulf you and as the night goes on when your friends are sitting around discussing wedding plans or planning a couples trip overseas and you are just wishing that you had someone to have and hold, to cuddle up to at nights and have non sense conversations that don't really go anywhere.

This begs the question, why do people form relationships? Apart from the oblivious that it is nice to have someone special in your life to share life's little pleasures with, apart from the obvious; what is the underpinning of this desire for unionship.

In a society where people are feeling more and more disconnected, finding a compatible partner is almost like finding that perfect bra where is hugs and hold in the right spots. perhaps you don't want to be stung with the label of being single and avoid it like a plague because we don't want others to think that there is something wrong with you. Do they really think that about us or is it us thinking that is what others around us are thinking?

Be that as it may, what's wrong with waiting for the right person to come along? What's the huge rush? remember the saying that your mother used to tell you when you were a child? Good things come to those who wait.

In fact, loneliness is a huge aspect as to why some of us enter a relationship and sometimes we don't even want to be in it. To put it simply, it is for pure companionship, you will find yourself at a certain stage of your life when your friends don't have time for you anymore and the sensation of isolation increases and affects many aspects of your life especially if you are not the gregarious type who find it easy to meet new people or shy away when at large gatherings.

It's funny, in a democratic society where we embrace individuality and self worth we also put so much emphasis on being with someone and forming that happy family and the white picket fence. As much as you want to discredit this notion or not buy into it; it's almost impossible to avoid it as the signs are there and it is constantly put in our face. We are constantly being bombarded with show that symbolises family and being attached.

When you are single people start to feel sorry for you and make these suggestions that they have a friend who is single and you should meet them because they are just the loveliest person but is down on their luck when it comes to love.

OK the gesture is nice and the intentions are well intended but it somehow leaves you feeling as though you are inadequate. So the cycle goes on and on until you find that compatible person for yourself.

The fear is what makes us do this very act. In the same fashion, people need to first and foremost find a purpose in their lives; another person who enters your life is not going to instantly make your life any better or easier or take away the things that you don't like about yourself. You would more likely find that you just end up draining the other person and sucking them dry and becoming really needy.

Find thyself and get working on bettering yourself and you will find that you won't even need to be looking for a prospective partner as they will be instantly drawn to you.

The games that people play

Relationships. Everybody will encounter this in their lifetime, it may a relation with your family or work mates whatever it is we all have to learn to connect with people in our lives whether we like it or not.

What I am speaking about here is the dynamic of courtship. When a girl likes a boy or vice verser how do we handle our emotions when things are not going our way? Do we give ourselves the opportunity to seek the truth from within or do many of us react in a primitive manner, reacting to our instant feeling and not understanding why we feel and react the way that we do.

The game of love is never an easy one to play, one thing is for sure and that is you are never guaranteed that the affection or attention that you put out will reap any rewards and that is the peril of emotional attachment and this is the price we pay in the name of love. Furthermore, what happens when you are attracted to someone and they tell you that they only want to be friends with you? How do conduct yourself and where do you draw the boundaries and say that enough is enough and be mature enough to leave the other person alone before it becomes a anti social behaviour and bordering on psychopathic.

So when you ask a guy/girl out for coffee or a drink and they happen to accept your offer and tell you that this only going to be plutonic, are you able to accept that? They say that honesty is the best policy. Why do some of us react badly to the truth? I believe it has a contributing factor to your upbringing and environment and how love was fostered and nurtured during those critical stages of a persons life.

Being unable to accept that a person is not romantically interested and pushing their personal agenda on to you and making you see things the way they want you to see it and if you see this sign early then it is a clear indicator for future behaviour. One thing is for sure and that is if a person feels as though they need to impose their perspective on to someone else then one will need to pose the question of why they are making you the problematic subject when you clearly know that the way they feel has nothing to do with you.

It is important to follow your gut instinct and if it tells you that something is not right then you know that more likely than not it will turn out to be what you originally felt about a particular person or circumstance even perhaps a situation.

This is especially true that Women especially; feel the need to have to carry their partners burdens and take that task upon themselves with could ultimately become burdensome for themselves and they find they do not know how to handle the situation and feel as though they are trapped. Moreover, many women feel as though they are alone and have nobody to share this issue with and it seems to be a common occurrence.

By the same token, we need to understand that it is ok for a person to not want something romantic and respecting their boundaries. Nevertheless, we are not emotionally responsible for the way somebody feels about themselves; if we have not been an intrigue part of their personality development and up bringing. They the perpetrator do not have the rights to make anybody feel bad about themselves when they start to feel inadequate or rejection as not everybody you come across will have a romantic attraction for you.

Nobody has the power to make someone feel the way that they feel. They have chosen those emotions on their own terms whether that be on a subconscious or conscious level that is irrelevant.

Thus, each and everyone of us needs to comprehend the dynamics of a healthy relationship where you allow your partner personal space and granting the trust and respect that they deserve and not be suspicious of them when they are out of your sight and stifling their personality will not be of benefit to the relationship as it will ultimately cause a communication break down and disintegrate a replete relationship.

Ice Cream Blow

Sex sells and that is it, there are no two ways about it. This commerical is such a good example of a simple task of eating ice cream can turn into some sexual inuendo. You can tell alot about a society and the values.

Feminism and its hungry quest

Simone de Beauvior once suggested that "one is not a woman but rather becomes one". Yes, the statement is an unusual shape and formation. What she is trying to debunk here is the fact that despite our God ordained anatomy of the two genders, we choose whether we are going to become a female or not? The body is seen as a passive medium which is bound by cultural definition. This would be in a more western discourse where free thinking is embraced. Furthermore, the gender role has been blurred and what once defined what a man or a woman. It seems very apparent that the contention of gender equality is not about the equality but more of a power struggle. What is it about feminism that drives a collective group of women to follow this cause. Do they know what they are rallying for or does the notion tickle the individuals pallet. What does a feminist party stand for anyways? It's believed that they are fighting a good fight the female race but if you look around not much has been changed and equality is such a murky word that hold no real definition.

When a women calls herself a feminist, what does she really mean and what is it that she is advocating for? What is interesting about this movement is that we are in the third wave and when you look back to the history of feminism it started with a basic element and with time it has outgrown its cause and now no longer can it sustain its objective because of the in satiable power to ascertain what is not meant to be.

In saying so, the sentiment of a woman knowing her worth and can assert herself is not a terrible thing but in a world where it is arduous to characterise what it is that a woman should do and adopting one's own cue can lead to such a detrimental results as it is oblivious today. Moreover, if you look closely at this movement it is designated for the elite and the prominent of society where they have the time and resources to fund a philosophical cause.

Nevertheless, it is wonderful to see women finding in the name of sisterhood but this movement is more catered to those in the West. It would not possible or near impossible for a feminist movements in certain parts of the world to gain momentum in a patriarchal community.

What would happen if women were equal par as men will that satisfy the pink brigade? this is not to connote the works of feminist as they have caused women as a whole to become progressive thinkers and to champion women to speak up and stand up for their rights which has seen a shift in many developed society on a whole which is a positive step in the right direction. However, the peril of this achievements leaves us in this predicament of women wanting more and more and the insatiable to have it all can be detrimental to the well being of a progressive commonwealth where men become emasculated and are not fulfilling their roles and serving their purpose.

Men and Women will never be on equal par but are designed for different tasks and collectively working on your natural talents and abilities. Trying to bite off more than you can chew can leave you feeling disillusioned.

It's all in the kiss

Out with a friend on a particular Thursday night socialising and so we decided to go out and dance, just one of those spare of the moment things I guess. As it's been a while since I've been out on a Thursday night; surveying what Sydney had to offer on a like like this, it was a real eye opener. We went out to this once a noteworthy club and it posed a very young crowd and boy did my friend and I really start to feel our age.

Well I could only speak for myself that I was feeling particularly old, I am not sure about my friend but that's besides the point. So we pay our entry fee and head up this winding set of stairs to get into the club, it was crowded and those who know me know how much I love to be squashed in crowded places and I had this wonderful experience when I was in Japan several weeks back. Now in Japan is what I call a 24/7 rave without the enjoyment of it. Packed trains packed everything and everywhere it was enough to do my head in and make me want to scream.

Now getting back on track, my friend and I were dancing and funnily enough we were observing this girl that was dancing in front us with her girlfriend. I know what you're thinking? That's nothing spectacular, there was also a guy waiting for an opportunity to hook up with this particular girl and the opportunity came when the girl's friend hooked up with a guy and moved away slightly giving this guy the opportunity to make his move a scheming wolf.

So this was his tactic, he finds his window of opportunity and moves in and makes " ultra smooth move" and starts to shake his hips and gets his groove on. I guess it would have been rude to have stared the whole time so the friend and I did our own thing and something about that girl caught my eyes again and this time I was glued a watching an accident, you want to look away but the presentation was way too alluring.

He WAS so brazen and went for the smooch and we could tell from her body reaction she was just not into him and both of us (the friend and I ) gave each other the look of what the heck just happened?

So she kisses him; then abruptly pulls away. We thought oh OK she didn't like it and he didn't do it for her. Fair enough, he wanted to be some Latin lover but looked more like a tosser trying too hard to be a crooner and it just wasn't working. They stayed there for a while dancing and honestly we could tell she wanted to be anywhere but there in his company. So the friend comes back with her hook up and the four of them leaves the club. Then a thought sprung into mind? Why would you leave a club with someone you hardly make eye contact with the whole time you were with him. Anyways that was that and no thought beyond that but found it strange. Feeling like an 70 year old going out again for the first time in 40 years.

I felt so out of place in that club and suggested to my friend that we should go and so we made our way out to get a cab to get to another venue. Jeez who would've thought that this friend could venue hope like a pro night club scout !!! Sure had the energy alright.

Who do we see as we walked towards a vacant cab ??? the girl and her friend and the boy she didn't FANCY ??? OMG what the hell ??? Why would you do that ??? It was so bazaar and begs me to ask the question? If it's all in the body language and the kiss what on earth would possess one to go with a boy you oblivious don't like.

Is it validation or me being completely being out of touch, there will never be a definitive answer for. It was just really sad to see a girl craving for attention that she seemingly lacks and to go with a boy she has no interest in what so ever. It poses the question of how many of us get into a relationship that we do not want for the sack of not being alone or to seek some form of validation.
We seem to think that we are all different but somehow we are all the same with very similar needs and desires.

Out with the old and wait for something new

We all know that wonderful saying "out with the old and in with the new". I'm sure we've all had an experience with someone who is or was toxic in our lives. They try to control and manipulate many facets of your lives and you begin to question your self worth at times because they make you feel so horrible.

You find yourself fighting about things that you are unsure of how it all began and why you guys even fought in the first place. This sensation leaves you feeling worn out and weary but you just don't know how to get off the vicious merry go round.

Of course just knowing the truth or someone pointing out the oblivious is going to be good enough for you to realise that what you are doing is really damaging yourself more than anybody else and by you staying in that relationship in the name of love is only adding fuel to the fire but it leaves you feeling like there is a strong hold on you and for some reason you have justified it in your head that you cannot leave without this person, though you may not have to admit it to anyone but you yourself knows this very truth.

Now that you've realised and woken up to see all that this relationship is doing to you is causing you get pain and the truth is, this relationship will not survive, instantly it makes you feel like some failure who can't get it all together and try to make something work. Ouch you're thinking to yourself. Not only do I feel like a failure but now I have to admit to myself that what I have been doing this whole time has been a lost cause.

Nevertheless, It's not a be all to end all. It is not all dome and loom, sometimes all you need are really good friends to help you get out of these situations but even that is not always an easy solution because people will always have their own tainted views on things.

No doubt, this is where it all seems impossible and at times and there is no way out. With the added bonus of the psychological phenomena; fear, doubt and other anxiety can make you do the things that you would not normally do.

Besides, we as individuals decide who and how much power we are going to relinquish to a particular person and how much we are prepared to put up with. I believe if everybody knew how loved and valued they were, there will no be a soul out there would would settle for second best. Being emotionally or physically captive is no fun and this why when we manage to get ourselves out, we must learn to rebuild our lives and learn to love yourself again. It is like tossing out that old pair of worn out underwear that you know you are meant to throw out ages ago because it's really not serving its purpose anymore and for some reason you are waiting for a written invitation for you to act. It's hard to love someone when you don't love or know yourself.